The Frozen Kingdom

Walk like an Egyptian

Man, am I ever glad that all that jazz with Rannos’ family is all sorted out. I’m not used to be not being the front man of the band! I will say that it was wicked awesome when I soothed that dragon that was the actual leader of the thieves guild with my ballad and while he was entranced, take out his eye! Not only was I able to kill of the elder dragon, I was able to give my backups time to flee when I single-handedly destroy the 13 young dragons that gave chase.

Enough of old times though, let’s talk about all the trippy shit that’s been going on since we left that town named after a Mexican dessert. We set out to the place that the other hot dragon told us to head out to. With me leading, no location is un-findable! I used my nifty new trans-dimensional ring to guide transport to the Mather-realm. Unfortunately, we came upon a weird looking pile of rocks. While investigating, some crazy dwarfs and humans got the jump on us. They sent their pet drake on us, but he fell after Ragnar decided to stop acting like a girl and start fighting it (enough of your feather slapping and just hit it!). It was best that the better of us won that day though, because we had impending business with Karovockos (or something like that, some evil wizard in a pyramid is all I remember). While the others were looking through the bodies for loot, I discovered a tiny pyramid in the rocks and a crazy looking ghost tiefling in robes appeared. He said something about giving us advice and that we better stay away from Karovockos because he was one bad mother… Shut your mouth! But I’m talking about Karavockos, than we can dig it!

Oh goodness, where was I? OH YEA! So I picked it up. This caused a weird Alice in Wonderland sensation of us getting smaller or everything else getting bigger. And I don’t even remember eating any mushrooms! What a drag. Anywho, this teifling guy turned out to be Karavakos himself (duh) and he said something about having to kill him 3×. I told him, Baby, When I’m done with you, you’d wish you were only killed 3×. He might not have liked that because we awoke in some mass grave pit. After re-orienting myself, I realized that there were some carrion crawlers underneath us and there was a crazy ettin walking around the pit. The ettin kept mumbling something about heads, I think he might have been a “special ettin.” I deftly manuvered out of the pit, but was unfortunately cast back in by the crazy ettin. The wizard almost died because he has no physical strength, but that’s nothing new. It was time that the wizard took some heat while the big boys went to play. We made quick work of the carrion crawlers, and than it was time old stupid two head got some of his own medicine. I cast him back in the pit multiple times and would always make sure he knew why he was there and how he got there. Like usual, awesomeness always prevails, and the ettin fell before us.

That’s when I noticed someone calling me from the corner. My keen sense and intellect were able to lead me to a normal bag on the ground. I opened the bag and found an orb with a head in it! Turns out some eladrin princesses head got stuck in here somehow. After conversing with her and learning about the 3 different levels in the pyramid, the three different factions (Charnal Lords, Plant like things, and Bandits), I was able to determine that she was just a tease and a prude. No one talks down to Cale Tesla! I went to toss the orb into the pit when Growl reached out and and caught it mid air. I told him good luck with that one, and boy did he need it. Turns out everyone in that place wanted to get their hands on the ol’ princess and were willing to mow down Growl in order to reach her!

We took a trip down some stairs and ran into some fish mongers and harpies. The harpies liked to think that they knew how to sing an alluring, song. I made them go for a swin and, needless to say, I showed them who was the boss, and it wasn’t Tony Danza. There was a fish monger priestess in the back that was giving Growl a hard time, so he went and gave her a big hug while the Ranger and I beat her down. The wizard, like usual, was just standing in the back. He claimed that he was “immobilized by the Harpies” and “unable to move” but I think he was just a little scared.

We continued on and came into a corridor with two statues (or statutes, if you’d prefer) on either side. While the wizard and I were examining one, the two beefy boys went over to examine another. Obviously they got themselves into some trouble…by stepping on a pressure plate and triggering a trap. The floor shifted and threw them into an adjoining room while some rats were brought up to the current area where the wizard and I were. I made quick work of the rats, killing 6/8 of them in one fell swoop. Just like usual, the wizard proved incompetent and I was forced to kill off the others as well. With nothing else to do, the wizard and I contimplated using the ring I had to go back to Bloodstone and put out an ad for a new meat shield and woodsman. Than I remembered that they had some pretty expensive gear on them and I would want to get it back to sell it for mad cash. Once again I was forced to use my superior intellect to save the day. I was able to rally the gnome, and together we threw a statue onto the pressure plate, causing the trap to rotate again (in the same direction). Some more rats popped up and surprisingly, the gnome was able to take out about half of them. I can only assume that my awesomeness caused the trap to rotate one more time, because the two of us sure as hell didn’t do anything else to make it move. To our surprise, this turning of the trap brought out the Ranger (along with more rats, jeez, this place is infested! I’m just glad a rat king didn’t show up, creeeeeeeepy)! He said something about an Otyouch-ashdjaskld and Growl facing off and that Growl was losing. My quick thinking and wits saved the day again. I threw one end of a rope to the Ranger and told him to tie it to the other statue while the wizard and I took out the rats. He was able to do this and move the statue over by the pressure plate. I than pulled it down and the trap rotated a final time to bring rats, Otyouch-asdhksad and Growl to us. I quickly let out a command to AVOID THE FUCKING PRESSURE PLATE, and than we went to work on the beast. In his clumsiness the wizard was almost pulled to his death, BACK ON THE FUCKING PRESSURE PLATE. Somehow, (I sure has hell don’t know how) he was able to jump over the plate as the beast pulled him in. After that, the beast proved to be an insufficient foe for the likes of Cale Tesla. With the band back together, there wasn’t much that could hold us back.

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