Man am I awesome? Journal, have I told you how awesome I am lately? I was starting to doubt my awesomeness after that spat in Luskan, but it just seems that maybe I was running low on awesome and needed a change of scenery to refill. A little M&M (might and magic) to boost the awesome meter backup to eleven. To show you how awesome I really am, let me give you a recap of the last few days. So here’s the DL. You know those group of guys I was running with all the way from the Crossroads, my new band/road crew? Well we were off exploring this decaying, but not so old (yea weird, right?) castle that was believed to be a Zhenghi ruin. Turns out the rumor mill was true.
Growl bursting through just about every door he could find(does this guy hate doors as much as he hates wild elves? Must be another irrational rage thing, because I’ve personally never met an evil wild elf (a lot of the females are damn hot) and most doors can be won over with some subtle finger work (just like most of those hot female wild elves I was talking about earlier)), we walked right into an undead infestation. While exploring, we found some sort of undead zombie freaky sex night going on when we walked in on these two regal icy zombies. Growl said that it burned, but it was cold, but it burned, man it’s hard to understand that guy sometimes. I took his confusion as a warning to stay back though, which I did, until I realized I could run in and inflict some super awesome damage with my rogue training. I also tried out that New Dawn song I’ve been working out and I will tell you right here and now, AWESOME. The New Dawn track I laid on those zombies heads was too much for them, causing one to burst into radiant flames. The other was quickly finished off, and we wasted no time getting the F out of dodge and heading up stairs to the light we could see.
Unfortunately, this was a terrible decision. Coming out from the stairs we saw strands of white silvery silk creating massive webs all over the place. They almost blocked out the sky. I’m ashamed to admit this, but my fear of those 8 legged creepy crawlers almost sent me running back down the stairs. I summoned my iron will to push my fear to the side though, because what would the Legionnaires be without their front man, Cale Tesla? Good thing I decided to stick around too because Growl sure took a beating from those 8 legged jumpers, but it was nothing my residual awesomeness that oozes out of me in the form of my Awesome Word (what less awesome bards may call a “Majestic Word”) couldn’t handle. Once all of the creepy crawlers were squashed, I asked my dear friend Rannos to kindly BURN THE MOTHER DOWN! He didn’t need any encouragement and gladly had some pyro fun. There won’t be any more Mommy or Daddy long legs around these parts anymore. In the corned of the spider courtyard was a tower that seemed to hold up surprisingly well. I tried to go in to see if there was anything inside that needed liberating, but the door was magically locked. I knew it was magically locked when I couldn’t pick it because there isn’t a door that I can’t get past, especially if there might be treasure or females on the other side.
Since the door barred our path, we decided to head down, down, down stairs. I knew this was a bad idea when I noticed the light was slowing getting darker beyond our light source. My suspicions proved true when we came upon a black suit of armor with a flaming hand (not flaming in the sense of some of Growl’s or Rannos powers, literally on fire!) He ran away and conjured a floating skull of some sort that spit a fireball at the rest of my road crew! Luckily I was far enough away to avoid the blast, making preparations and running over all the words to my songs before the show began. Though this guy seemed kind of creepy, it was no problem for the Legionnaires, and he quickly understood this himself, falling to our might. Pushing on, we came to a hallway with a door that had a terrible stench on the other side. All of us, thinking that there may be treasures beyond this door, shoved Growl in first. On the other side were some skeletons and some sort of giant trash compactor monster. I think Rendar called it an Oythog-hjadshjkasj or something, I wasn’t really paying attention to it’s name, just thinking of backing out of the room. I told Growl to GTFO so we could form up around the door and wack the skellys as they came out. This plan worked perfectly, especially when the skelly’s exploded on each other when they got really hurt or died, doing way more damage to each other and the Oythog-hjadshjkasj then to us. The Oythog-hjadshjkasj did manage to grab my leg and try to pull me into the stench filled chamber, but I pulled out my new Compulsion riff and it sent him flying back to the other side of the room, allowing myself to back up a bit to recover. I was shaken up a bit, the first time I knew my own blood this day! The Oythog-hjadshjkasj proved cannon fodder and I was ready to plod on. Rannos and Growl however, said they were “tired” and “needed to rest.” Pfft, I had only taken a single hit that day, how could they be in such bad shape! Whatever, I let them have their “rest” so that we could move on.
After the silly “rest” we came upon mad Victor Hawthorne the necromancers workshop. There were some potions and what not that we grabbed on the way out. We also took some of his books that explained how to graft undead parts to your body, the Dragon book that hot lady back in Bloodstone was looking for, and his journal. On the way out, I tripped and hit some kind of switch, awaking what I could only call a Frankenstein-like creation of a monster. His stupidity was his downfall though, and he saw the end of the Legionnaires swords as well.
Pushing on, we came across a magical portal, which I boldly went through first, solved this riddle in no time at all, and passed back through the portal. I waited around at the other end of the portal for a bit to see if my companions were coming or not, luckily they eventually came out, Rendar taking the longest. Now this is were the day started to get a little weird. We were obviously in some sort of a wizards tower, adorned with awesomely powerful magic artifacts, but they were all magically nailed down! What a buzz kill. We did find some information about Zhengi’s return though, and a nifty scarlet box that was made to house our amulet of butt pain (as I like to call it anyway). Once in it’s box, the draining sensation that was in my chest suddenly stopped. We continued exploring the room and Rannos and I came across a brain in a jar, who called for some sort of an alarm. I tried to reason with the brain, tried to lie to him, tried all of my verbose and eloquent word powers, but the brain was obviously brain washed, or just washed since it was already a brain (HA!). The brains anger may have been spurred on when Rannos got a little ahead of himself and tried to knock it off the shelf it was on, but no one can really be too sure. Surprisingly, the brain started hovering and chasing us around! Then some tiny claw like crawling swarms sprang on us as from no where. To top it all off, a book shelf came to life and tried to beat me to death! I handled the situation awesomely though, both fending off the brains mental powers and compelling the bookshelf away from myself so I could deal with the brain who insulted us all. My companions were dealing with the swarms nicely, so I squared off against the brain. I had him on his last lobe (HAHA!) when I willingly allowed him to think that he dominated my mind, to see if I could gain any information from him and to lull it into a false sense of security. I was able to understand what he wanted from me and ran over the Rannos and wacked him a few times. I kept this up for a while, until the rest of the group caused some brain death, ending my charade. The bookshelf was next, and we quickly closed that chapter.
Seeing that the magnificent room could really offer us no aid, we decided to step out the other set of double doors, which had the rushing sound of wind. Once outside, we came to the conclusion we were in some other dimension, likely that Moutherealm we read about. We looked around, saw the thousands of shadowy minions miles below us, and quickly ran out of the ruins and off to the mines. We’ll deal with the army another day…