The Frozen Kingdom

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me tw....can't get fooled again!

What an awesome saying. A supremely intelligent being must have pondered for many, MANY years to come up with that awesomely delicious phrase. I hope to aspire to that greatness one day, and boy, is it sure pertinent for my situation! Anywho, the adventuring continues! After the gang and I had explored a vast amount of one area of the bottom of the pyramid, we decided it would be a good idea to head back and double check our steps to make sure we didn’t miss anything. I felt like we were missing something…something little…and annoying, but it turned out it was just a nagging feeling in the back of my head because combat was just as usual. Well almost, but I’ll get to that. All in due time…

As I was saying, we doubled back to the realm of the Charnal Lord to see what was not seen. I came across a suspicious looking door, so I kicked it in. BAM! Showed that door who was boss; Cale Tesla, that’s who’s boss. DAMN RIGHT! Inside of this room was a giant pile of bones. My first thought was spiders, because, well, I hate spiders. My first thought is USUALLY spiders. My second thought was that I hadn’t been hungry or thirsty in a while, and that was kind of weird. My third thought was that I hadn’t had to go to the bathroom either, weird again. My fourth thought got me back to the bones and it was rats. My fourth thought proved to be spot on (just like all my thoughts are, all of those babies are created awesomely). Rats started pouring in from all over the place. There was another door that was bulging out, so I wasted no time and secured that door with a chain so something that wanted to come out would have a hard time. Then Papa went to work on the rats. I killed about 57 in one attack, but they just kept coming! Rendar-ina proved to be useless in this fight and I think only killed a single rat. Growl proved more helpful, but couldn’t match my mighty rat slaying prowess. The rats fell to the ground faster than a lady’s dress when Cale Tesla is around.

Moving on, we came across a library. I knew there would be treasure here, how could there not be! Growl said that the bitch by his ball sack was warning him about this room or something, but I’ve stopped listening to her a long time ago. Besides, no room can handle the mighty Cale Tesla! Too bad the same isn’t true for Rendar-ina. He/she proved to be less effective than a gnome! That reminds me of someone…gnome, hmm, nothing I guess. That’s ok, because Cale Tesla went to work on these bad boys that popped out the book shelves. The seemed to be eating or absorbing the knowledge in the library. I came to put a stop to all that. Not because I specifically like knowledge, but one of those books could have something about me in it! I was able to take out 2 of those bad boys right away, and Growl was able to drop the others. Rendar-ina wasn’t able to land much of a single hit, but I guess it’s all the hormones and everything. He/she even fell trying to climb up a book case. However, I had no problem and deftly maneuvered up it with ease, adding a flip or two in there for show. We loaded a bunch of the books that still had words in them in the bag of holding so that we could sell them later. While doing so, we came across a scroll of raise dead and a scroll of ask mystic sages, or something like that. Why do I need to ask mystic sages, if I already know I’m awesome? There was only single door out of the library, so we all funneled out. OH yea, almost forgot. The library had a giant statue (statute?) of the eladrin lady in the middle. Something fishy is going on here…

I made yet another dramatic entrance, but unfortunately this one was wasted because the room was empty. Or it appeared that way. The only thing of notice in here was a statue (or is it statute, I can never remember, laws always confuse me and get in my way anyway) of an angel holding some sort of orb. After Growl and I investigated the orb, it sent out some sort of a shock wave that left us dazed and confused for so long it’s not true. Wanted a treasure, never bargained for you, you stupid trap! Before I could do anything, some more knowledge eaters piled in the room. The hormones must have balanced out because Rendar-ina started actually doing something. Thankfully the cavalry arrived when that Dragon-guy that had been tagging along with us but than got lost finally found us! He walked in and dropped some magic shit on those idiots. Yay for Dragon-Guy! Unfortunately that dazing and confusing aura from the statue (or statute?) didn’t just go away like a good trap. Oh no, it decided to start growing! This pissed me off. I cracked my knuckles and set to show that trap who was boss. There isn’t a thing that these magic fingers can’t do! After an awesome display of awesome, I received a shot from some sort of magic missile on steroids. It almost knocked me on my awesome ass! Growl said something, at least I THINK he said something (can never tell) and ran out of the room in the opposite direction. I then heard a lot of fuss and crashing and whining from Growl, then a distinct tearing of fabric. THe same thing then happened again like 3 seconds later, WTF Growl!? I’m getting pummeled by roid missiles here! Thankfully the culprit decided that he had gotten too close to Rendar-ina and teleported into my room. He was in a world of hurt now! Dragon-Guy and myself tag-teamed him like two extremely attractive ladies fighting for the last spot in my bed full of attractive ladies (I usually end those fights by making an exception and adding one more attractive lady to the full bed). This tiefling feel to the weight of blade in no time. When he was falling to the ground, he just vanished, along with his stupid conjured sword that liked to try and give it to my in the back. I told the sword I didn’t swing that way, but some people…

We than explored the rest of the room and found a key and a riddle/clue of sort. Dragon-Guy wrote it down because it was in Dragon-Speak, unfortunately not in primordial. Stupid language that my Aunt made me learn, it’s never useful! Turns out that teifling was Karavakos in one of his 3 forms. Bah, Karavakos slayer, just another title for myself.

Moving on, we backtracked and head out to the right. We came across a room with a different Dragon-Guy. This guy however, didn’t know his role and started talking shit about The Magnificent Cale Tesla. I made sure to cut this short and staggered that bitch. He called out some of his lackey’s but they fell all to quickly to the might of Cale Tesla and his merry band! Rendar-ina dropped the ball yet again though, because the lackey’s were able to clear a path for some guy named Ferance (or something). Turns out Ferance was a were-wolf, F! It was too bad that I had pulled out a few stops to embarrass that stupid Dragon-Guy before he died, or else this were-wolf would have been no problem. Dumb wolf just wouldn’t die! He did though, and it was best that the better of us survived. I went back to examine what stupid Dragon-Guy had on him, and it was a set of +3 Dwarven Chainmail!!! It was like my birthday all over again! I picked it up and was getting ready to put it on when somehow the armor changed from AWESOMELY AWESOME +3 Dwarven Chainmail to some stupid +2 battle harness! TALK ABOUT A TERRIBLE DAY! What a buzz kill. I had no use for any harness (unless used to secure ladies in the bedroom ;) ) so I tossed it aside. I think Rendar-ina picked it up. He/she can have my leftovers.

This room led into another room with some creepy statues (statutes?) that were chanting something that I couldn’t make out. Luckily Dragon-Guy was able to understand it. Seems that they were praying to the Platinum Dragon. Bahamut isn’t on my shit list, so I decided to listen to what Dragon-Guy had to say. He said they were telling us to rescue some follower. Pfft, more cult shit, great. I made no promises, but we moved on anyway. The next room had a hallway in it with a chapel off the to side. There was this foxy lady in there, who I quickly deduced was this follower that we had to rescue. If all of Bahamut’s followers were this fine, I’d consider switching deities! When I asked her to come on out so we could talk, she hit an invisible wall, and proceeded to tell me how she was trapped him there. I pushed Dragon-Guy in and than pulled him out with no problem, so I stepped in myself (after securing the door to stay open with my some of my gear). I told Growl and Rendar-ina to stay outside while I consoled Dana and Dragon-Guy and myself figured out this problem, but obviously they don’t understand how to follow directions. Growl came in, so I made sure to tell Rendar-ina to stay out, but the hormones started kicking up again and he/she came right in. Obviously the doors slammed shut.

Dragon-guy and myself attempted to figure out what was going on when some stupid demons appeared at the door. I pulled Dana close to my side and told her that I would protect her and took a strike from one of the demons to look heroic and garner some sympathy. We dispatched these guys, but it seemed that every time we tried to figure out what was going on, more demons appeared! They went down in a single hit, so it wasn’t too bad, but they sure could pile up! Eventually, my superior intellect and cunning (with some help from Dragon-Guy and Growl) deduced that we needed to disrupt a ward on the altar and another on the door. Growl bashed the door, I picked a lock, and Dragon-Guy handled the altar. We were out in no time flat, but to my dismay Dana turned out to be a succubus and disappeared when she left the altar! Damn, why do all the hot ones have to be demons!?

This got me thinking, can we really trust this eladrin head in the orb? I mean, Karavakos doesn’t seem like a bad guy. What if she’s really the bad guy. I mean she has us running around getting gems for her to restore her power, there are statues (statutes?) of her in Karavakos temple, and she won’t tell us anything. She seems like the trouble maker here to me. Also, Karabakos seems to be imprisoning only evil things in this temple. First the Mezzodemon and next a succubus? I can only assume that this eladrin head had also done something terrible to deserve imprisonment. This has got me thinking, and I think I’m on to something. I think that the eladrin lady is actually the evil wizard “Karavakos” that was imprisoned in the temple and that maybe this “Karavakos” that we’re fighting against now is the guardian over her. If not, she is definately someone/thing that can’t be trusted. There is no way that I’m letting h er be reunited with all of her gems and power sources. NO WAY José. I also have a devious plan to sort all of this out, but it’s too important to write down in my journal/diary where anyone could discover it. This is a dramatic revaluation that could bust this case right open, therefore it deserves surprise and shock and awe. No time to dilly dally, I have to get back to putting my plan into action. Tally-ho!

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