The Frozen Kingdom

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me tw....can't get fooled again!

What an awesome saying. A supremely intelligent being must have pondered for many, MANY years to come up with that awesomely delicious phrase. I hope to aspire to that greatness one day, and boy, is it sure pertinent for my situation! Anywho, the adventuring continues! After the gang and I had explored a vast amount of one area of the bottom of the pyramid, we decided it would be a good idea to head back and double check our steps to make sure we didn’t miss anything. I felt like we were missing something…something little…and annoying, but it turned out it was just a nagging feeling in the back of my head because combat was just as usual. Well almost, but I’ll get to that. All in due time…

As I was saying, we doubled back to the realm of the Charnal Lord to see what was not seen. I came across a suspicious looking door, so I kicked it in. BAM! Showed that door who was boss; Cale Tesla, that’s who’s boss. DAMN RIGHT! Inside of this room was a giant pile of bones. My first thought was spiders, because, well, I hate spiders. My first thought is USUALLY spiders. My second thought was that I hadn’t been hungry or thirsty in a while, and that was kind of weird. My third thought was that I hadn’t had to go to the bathroom either, weird again. My fourth thought got me back to the bones and it was rats. My fourth thought proved to be spot on (just like all my thoughts are, all of those babies are created awesomely). Rats started pouring in from all over the place. There was another door that was bulging out, so I wasted no time and secured that door with a chain so something that wanted to come out would have a hard time. Then Papa went to work on the rats. I killed about 57 in one attack, but they just kept coming! Rendar-ina proved to be useless in this fight and I think only killed a single rat. Growl proved more helpful, but couldn’t match my mighty rat slaying prowess. The rats fell to the ground faster than a lady’s dress when Cale Tesla is around.

Moving on, we came across a library. I knew there would be treasure here, how could there not be! Growl said that the bitch by his ball sack was warning him about this room or something, but I’ve stopped listening to her a long time ago. Besides, no room can handle the mighty Cale Tesla! Too bad the same isn’t true for Rendar-ina. He/she proved to be less effective than a gnome! That reminds me of someone…gnome, hmm, nothing I guess. That’s ok, because Cale Tesla went to work on these bad boys that popped out the book shelves. The seemed to be eating or absorbing the knowledge in the library. I came to put a stop to all that. Not because I specifically like knowledge, but one of those books could have something about me in it! I was able to take out 2 of those bad boys right away, and Growl was able to drop the others. Rendar-ina wasn’t able to land much of a single hit, but I guess it’s all the hormones and everything. He/she even fell trying to climb up a book case. However, I had no problem and deftly maneuvered up it with ease, adding a flip or two in there for show. We loaded a bunch of the books that still had words in them in the bag of holding so that we could sell them later. While doing so, we came across a scroll of raise dead and a scroll of ask mystic sages, or something like that. Why do I need to ask mystic sages, if I already know I’m awesome? There was only single door out of the library, so we all funneled out. OH yea, almost forgot. The library had a giant statue (statute?) of the eladrin lady in the middle. Something fishy is going on here…

I made yet another dramatic entrance, but unfortunately this one was wasted because the room was empty. Or it appeared that way. The only thing of notice in here was a statue (or is it statute, I can never remember, laws always confuse me and get in my way anyway) of an angel holding some sort of orb. After Growl and I investigated the orb, it sent out some sort of a shock wave that left us dazed and confused for so long it’s not true. Wanted a treasure, never bargained for you, you stupid trap! Before I could do anything, some more knowledge eaters piled in the room. The hormones must have balanced out because Rendar-ina started actually doing something. Thankfully the cavalry arrived when that Dragon-guy that had been tagging along with us but than got lost finally found us! He walked in and dropped some magic shit on those idiots. Yay for Dragon-Guy! Unfortunately that dazing and confusing aura from the statue (or statute?) didn’t just go away like a good trap. Oh no, it decided to start growing! This pissed me off. I cracked my knuckles and set to show that trap who was boss. There isn’t a thing that these magic fingers can’t do! After an awesome display of awesome, I received a shot from some sort of magic missile on steroids. It almost knocked me on my awesome ass! Growl said something, at least I THINK he said something (can never tell) and ran out of the room in the opposite direction. I then heard a lot of fuss and crashing and whining from Growl, then a distinct tearing of fabric. THe same thing then happened again like 3 seconds later, WTF Growl!? I’m getting pummeled by roid missiles here! Thankfully the culprit decided that he had gotten too close to Rendar-ina and teleported into my room. He was in a world of hurt now! Dragon-Guy and myself tag-teamed him like two extremely attractive ladies fighting for the last spot in my bed full of attractive ladies (I usually end those fights by making an exception and adding one more attractive lady to the full bed). This tiefling feel to the weight of blade in no time. When he was falling to the ground, he just vanished, along with his stupid conjured sword that liked to try and give it to my in the back. I told the sword I didn’t swing that way, but some people…

We than explored the rest of the room and found a key and a riddle/clue of sort. Dragon-Guy wrote it down because it was in Dragon-Speak, unfortunately not in primordial. Stupid language that my Aunt made me learn, it’s never useful! Turns out that teifling was Karavakos in one of his 3 forms. Bah, Karavakos slayer, just another title for myself.

Moving on, we backtracked and head out to the right. We came across a room with a different Dragon-Guy. This guy however, didn’t know his role and started talking shit about The Magnificent Cale Tesla. I made sure to cut this short and staggered that bitch. He called out some of his lackey’s but they fell all to quickly to the might of Cale Tesla and his merry band! Rendar-ina dropped the ball yet again though, because the lackey’s were able to clear a path for some guy named Ferance (or something). Turns out Ferance was a were-wolf, F! It was too bad that I had pulled out a few stops to embarrass that stupid Dragon-Guy before he died, or else this were-wolf would have been no problem. Dumb wolf just wouldn’t die! He did though, and it was best that the better of us survived. I went back to examine what stupid Dragon-Guy had on him, and it was a set of +3 Dwarven Chainmail!!! It was like my birthday all over again! I picked it up and was getting ready to put it on when somehow the armor changed from AWESOMELY AWESOME +3 Dwarven Chainmail to some stupid +2 battle harness! TALK ABOUT A TERRIBLE DAY! What a buzz kill. I had no use for any harness (unless used to secure ladies in the bedroom ;) ) so I tossed it aside. I think Rendar-ina picked it up. He/she can have my leftovers.

This room led into another room with some creepy statues (statutes?) that were chanting something that I couldn’t make out. Luckily Dragon-Guy was able to understand it. Seems that they were praying to the Platinum Dragon. Bahamut isn’t on my shit list, so I decided to listen to what Dragon-Guy had to say. He said they were telling us to rescue some follower. Pfft, more cult shit, great. I made no promises, but we moved on anyway. The next room had a hallway in it with a chapel off the to side. There was this foxy lady in there, who I quickly deduced was this follower that we had to rescue. If all of Bahamut’s followers were this fine, I’d consider switching deities! When I asked her to come on out so we could talk, she hit an invisible wall, and proceeded to tell me how she was trapped him there. I pushed Dragon-Guy in and than pulled him out with no problem, so I stepped in myself (after securing the door to stay open with my some of my gear). I told Growl and Rendar-ina to stay outside while I consoled Dana and Dragon-Guy and myself figured out this problem, but obviously they don’t understand how to follow directions. Growl came in, so I made sure to tell Rendar-ina to stay out, but the hormones started kicking up again and he/she came right in. Obviously the doors slammed shut.

Dragon-guy and myself attempted to figure out what was going on when some stupid demons appeared at the door. I pulled Dana close to my side and told her that I would protect her and took a strike from one of the demons to look heroic and garner some sympathy. We dispatched these guys, but it seemed that every time we tried to figure out what was going on, more demons appeared! They went down in a single hit, so it wasn’t too bad, but they sure could pile up! Eventually, my superior intellect and cunning (with some help from Dragon-Guy and Growl) deduced that we needed to disrupt a ward on the altar and another on the door. Growl bashed the door, I picked a lock, and Dragon-Guy handled the altar. We were out in no time flat, but to my dismay Dana turned out to be a succubus and disappeared when she left the altar! Damn, why do all the hot ones have to be demons!?

This got me thinking, can we really trust this eladrin head in the orb? I mean, Karavakos doesn’t seem like a bad guy. What if she’s really the bad guy. I mean she has us running around getting gems for her to restore her power, there are statues (statutes?) of her in Karavakos temple, and she won’t tell us anything. She seems like the trouble maker here to me. Also, Karabakos seems to be imprisoning only evil things in this temple. First the Mezzodemon and next a succubus? I can only assume that this eladrin head had also done something terrible to deserve imprisonment. This has got me thinking, and I think I’m on to something. I think that the eladrin lady is actually the evil wizard “Karavakos” that was imprisoned in the temple and that maybe this “Karavakos” that we’re fighting against now is the guardian over her. If not, she is definately someone/thing that can’t be trusted. There is no way that I’m letting h er be reunited with all of her gems and power sources. NO WAY José. I also have a devious plan to sort all of this out, but it’s too important to write down in my journal/diary where anyone could discover it. This is a dramatic revaluation that could bust this case right open, therefore it deserves surprise and shock and awe. No time to dilly dally, I have to get back to putting my plan into action. Tally-ho!

And Then There Were Four

I seem to remember there being another member involved in the prestigious group known only as “The Legionaries.” I think he was some sort of magic user, I’m thinking he looked like a crocodile, and I seem to remember him liking breasts…like a lot. Oh well, this crazy pyramid we’ve been exploring must be taking it’s toll on my mind. That reminds me, I still need to compose a legendary opera about the slaying of the 12 red dragons I did back in Phlan. Man am I awesome…

So yea, this pyramid is crazy, huh? First it’s an ettin, than a Charnal lord, and now we’ve come across magic mirros and mezzodemons!? Who would have thought that!?! (Well, I obviously would have because I think of everything, but who else besides the Awesomely Magnificent Cale Tesla would have thought of that? No one, that’s who!). Anyway, after exploring a few of the different paths that opened up before us after the whole Charnal Lord fiasco (you remember, the one where Growl and Rendar stupidly walked into some trap and almost got themselves killed? Yea, how could you forget that one!?!), I made the executive decision to head toward the area that was slightly more refined than the area that looked like a dirt road (the two areas will henceforth be known as Better Way and Plant Path). I decided to take Better Way because my treasure sense was tingling. That would have to wait though, because we stumbled into a room full of magic mirrors. I knew that they wouldn’t allow us to travel through them, but I tried to get the gnome to jump into one, telling him that I was positive that the supported travel. Before he could make the leap, a fireball was shot out of one of the mirrors! The more important members of the group (Myself (obviously), Growl, and Rendar) bust into an adjoining room to escape any future barrages of fireballs. The gnome decided it would be best for him to examine the mirror some more.

Inside of the room, we came across some demon guys with flaming great swords. They didn’t seem to be too difficult, there were only like 2 or 3 of them anyway. Things got a little complicated when these shadowy guys were able to sneak up on myself and the gnome (obviously sneaking up on the gnome is easy because he’s always distracted, but sneak up on me will you!? This was lunacy!) These bad boys almost put the gnome out of commission and were able to score a few nasty hits on myself. But obviously, the better of us won (myself, duh) and we came onto another room with a flaming skull. The flaming skull surrendered and we crushed him on site. This room had a crystal ball in it that would let spells be channeled through it and out of the mirrors. It was a nifty security device, so we took a quick rest before going on. My treasure sense was still pulling me onward, so I commanded my group forward!

Coming up to the next door, I was able to perceive some thunder and lightning cracking behind it. After peeping in, I observed 4 giant columns that created a lightning cage in the middle, holding a headless body securely in its grasp. The allure of treasure forced my feet in. Once in, that headless Eladrin Orb Growl was carrying around shrieked with glee, saying that we had found her body. Myself, Rendar, and the gnome (as if he was any help here, ha!) decided to push one of the pillars over the see if the lightning cage would break. We succeeded (without Growl’s help I might add) and the cage dissipated. Before myself or the gnome could examine the corpse, Growl rolled the orb over to the body. He said that she was begging him to and that she was starting to annoy him. Man, what a big mistake. I knew what would happen, why couldn’t Growl or he Orb!? The headless body immediately absorbed the orb into its chest and began attacking us (duh)! The orb pleaded us to stop her body but not harm it. I called shenanigans on this and we started to wail on the body, despite the annoyingly increasing pleas from the orb. Rendar hit the orb itself a few times (by accident?) and the pleas increased. I got pissed off at the thing and decided to tumble another column on it. After the gnome and Growl almost blew all of my efforts, we were all luckily able to bring the column down on that bitch. Thankfully. The rest of the battle was in the bag. I was surprised that the gnome was able to actually do something this round because up until know he seems to be kind of useless in the battle area. I’ll make sure to cut him some slack next time.

After that cluster fuck, my treasure allure still was not sated. The next room seemed to almost feed that hunger though. That useless orb informed us that the next room held “many wonderful and powerful magic items, protected by” I stopped listing after that. I busted into the room and was greeted by bone chilling cold. This cold actually assaulted our bodies. Good thing Growl seemed to be immune to the demon that was the cold though because Rendar almost met with the Raven Queen a few times. The cold room held 4 melting crystals, which in turn held 4 chill touch zombies (or some sort of cold zombie, can’t ever be too sure with the undead, I guess I should have payed a bit more attention in religion class). These zombies were not so bad in themselves, but they had this cold aura that would do some crazy damage to our bodies, and the more zombies there were, the colder things got! But like I said, these boys (at least I think they were all male, hard to tell with zombies) were nothing too big for me. The problem came when a mezzodemon walked out of the adjoining room. After some serious negotiating, we decided that it would be best to let the mezzodemon go…for know. Besides, he seemed to have a bone to pick with Karavakos, and as the old saying goes, an enemy of my enemy is my friend, right?

Growl and the orb didn’t like this, but they can get over themselves. The more the mezzodemon kills, the less we have to. Finally, my treasure sense was overwhelming me and pulled me into the next room. Boy was I not let down. I came across some sort of Songblade that resonated with my thunder powers. Needless to say, I can’t wait to try this bad boy out on the next thing that is stupid enough to get in the way of the Awesome and Mighty Cale Tesla, slayer of 12 Red Dragons that plagued the poor village of Phlan, Bane of Zhenghi and his minions, Destroyer of the Charnal lord, vanquisher of ettins, and the half-elf the ladies just can’t resist!

Walk like an Egyptian

Man, am I ever glad that all that jazz with Rannos’ family is all sorted out. I’m not used to be not being the front man of the band! I will say that it was wicked awesome when I soothed that dragon that was the actual leader of the thieves guild with my ballad and while he was entranced, take out his eye! Not only was I able to kill of the elder dragon, I was able to give my backups time to flee when I single-handedly destroy the 13 young dragons that gave chase.

Enough of old times though, let’s talk about all the trippy shit that’s been going on since we left that town named after a Mexican dessert. We set out to the place that the other hot dragon told us to head out to. With me leading, no location is un-findable! I used my nifty new trans-dimensional ring to guide transport to the Mather-realm. Unfortunately, we came upon a weird looking pile of rocks. While investigating, some crazy dwarfs and humans got the jump on us. They sent their pet drake on us, but he fell after Ragnar decided to stop acting like a girl and start fighting it (enough of your feather slapping and just hit it!). It was best that the better of us won that day though, because we had impending business with Karovockos (or something like that, some evil wizard in a pyramid is all I remember). While the others were looking through the bodies for loot, I discovered a tiny pyramid in the rocks and a crazy looking ghost tiefling in robes appeared. He said something about giving us advice and that we better stay away from Karovockos because he was one bad mother… Shut your mouth! But I’m talking about Karavockos, than we can dig it!

Oh goodness, where was I? OH YEA! So I picked it up. This caused a weird Alice in Wonderland sensation of us getting smaller or everything else getting bigger. And I don’t even remember eating any mushrooms! What a drag. Anywho, this teifling guy turned out to be Karavakos himself (duh) and he said something about having to kill him 3×. I told him, Baby, When I’m done with you, you’d wish you were only killed 3×. He might not have liked that because we awoke in some mass grave pit. After re-orienting myself, I realized that there were some carrion crawlers underneath us and there was a crazy ettin walking around the pit. The ettin kept mumbling something about heads, I think he might have been a “special ettin.” I deftly manuvered out of the pit, but was unfortunately cast back in by the crazy ettin. The wizard almost died because he has no physical strength, but that’s nothing new. It was time that the wizard took some heat while the big boys went to play. We made quick work of the carrion crawlers, and than it was time old stupid two head got some of his own medicine. I cast him back in the pit multiple times and would always make sure he knew why he was there and how he got there. Like usual, awesomeness always prevails, and the ettin fell before us.

That’s when I noticed someone calling me from the corner. My keen sense and intellect were able to lead me to a normal bag on the ground. I opened the bag and found an orb with a head in it! Turns out some eladrin princesses head got stuck in here somehow. After conversing with her and learning about the 3 different levels in the pyramid, the three different factions (Charnal Lords, Plant like things, and Bandits), I was able to determine that she was just a tease and a prude. No one talks down to Cale Tesla! I went to toss the orb into the pit when Growl reached out and and caught it mid air. I told him good luck with that one, and boy did he need it. Turns out everyone in that place wanted to get their hands on the ol’ princess and were willing to mow down Growl in order to reach her!

We took a trip down some stairs and ran into some fish mongers and harpies. The harpies liked to think that they knew how to sing an alluring, song. I made them go for a swin and, needless to say, I showed them who was the boss, and it wasn’t Tony Danza. There was a fish monger priestess in the back that was giving Growl a hard time, so he went and gave her a big hug while the Ranger and I beat her down. The wizard, like usual, was just standing in the back. He claimed that he was “immobilized by the Harpies” and “unable to move” but I think he was just a little scared.

We continued on and came into a corridor with two statues (or statutes, if you’d prefer) on either side. While the wizard and I were examining one, the two beefy boys went over to examine another. Obviously they got themselves into some trouble…by stepping on a pressure plate and triggering a trap. The floor shifted and threw them into an adjoining room while some rats were brought up to the current area where the wizard and I were. I made quick work of the rats, killing 6/8 of them in one fell swoop. Just like usual, the wizard proved incompetent and I was forced to kill off the others as well. With nothing else to do, the wizard and I contimplated using the ring I had to go back to Bloodstone and put out an ad for a new meat shield and woodsman. Than I remembered that they had some pretty expensive gear on them and I would want to get it back to sell it for mad cash. Once again I was forced to use my superior intellect to save the day. I was able to rally the gnome, and together we threw a statue onto the pressure plate, causing the trap to rotate again (in the same direction). Some more rats popped up and surprisingly, the gnome was able to take out about half of them. I can only assume that my awesomeness caused the trap to rotate one more time, because the two of us sure as hell didn’t do anything else to make it move. To our surprise, this turning of the trap brought out the Ranger (along with more rats, jeez, this place is infested! I’m just glad a rat king didn’t show up, creeeeeeeepy)! He said something about an Otyouch-ashdjaskld and Growl facing off and that Growl was losing. My quick thinking and wits saved the day again. I threw one end of a rope to the Ranger and told him to tie it to the other statue while the wizard and I took out the rats. He was able to do this and move the statue over by the pressure plate. I than pulled it down and the trap rotated a final time to bring rats, Otyouch-asdhksad and Growl to us. I quickly let out a command to AVOID THE FUCKING PRESSURE PLATE, and than we went to work on the beast. In his clumsiness the wizard was almost pulled to his death, BACK ON THE FUCKING PRESSURE PLATE. Somehow, (I sure has hell don’t know how) he was able to jump over the plate as the beast pulled him in. After that, the beast proved to be an insufficient foe for the likes of Cale Tesla. With the band back together, there wasn’t much that could hold us back.

The Scarlet Box

Man am I awesome? Journal, have I told you how awesome I am lately? I was starting to doubt my awesomeness after that spat in Luskan, but it just seems that maybe I was running low on awesome and needed a change of scenery to refill. A little M&M (might and magic) to boost the awesome meter backup to eleven. To show you how awesome I really am, let me give you a recap of the last few days. So here’s the DL. You know those group of guys I was running with all the way from the Crossroads, my new band/road crew? Well we were off exploring this decaying, but not so old (yea weird, right?) castle that was believed to be a Zhenghi ruin. Turns out the rumor mill was true.

Growl bursting through just about every door he could find(does this guy hate doors as much as he hates wild elves? Must be another irrational rage thing, because I’ve personally never met an evil wild elf (a lot of the females are damn hot) and most doors can be won over with some subtle finger work (just like most of those hot female wild elves I was talking about earlier)), we walked right into an undead infestation. While exploring, we found some sort of undead zombie freaky sex night going on when we walked in on these two regal icy zombies. Growl said that it burned, but it was cold, but it burned, man it’s hard to understand that guy sometimes. I took his confusion as a warning to stay back though, which I did, until I realized I could run in and inflict some super awesome damage with my rogue training. I also tried out that New Dawn song I’ve been working out and I will tell you right here and now, AWESOME. The New Dawn track I laid on those zombies heads was too much for them, causing one to burst into radiant flames. The other was quickly finished off, and we wasted no time getting the F out of dodge and heading up stairs to the light we could see.

Unfortunately, this was a terrible decision. Coming out from the stairs we saw strands of white silvery silk creating massive webs all over the place. They almost blocked out the sky. I’m ashamed to admit this, but my fear of those 8 legged creepy crawlers almost sent me running back down the stairs. I summoned my iron will to push my fear to the side though, because what would the Legionnaires be without their front man, Cale Tesla? Good thing I decided to stick around too because Growl sure took a beating from those 8 legged jumpers, but it was nothing my residual awesomeness that oozes out of me in the form of my Awesome Word (what less awesome bards may call a “Majestic Word”) couldn’t handle. Once all of the creepy crawlers were squashed, I asked my dear friend Rannos to kindly BURN THE MOTHER DOWN! He didn’t need any encouragement and gladly had some pyro fun. There won’t be any more Mommy or Daddy long legs around these parts anymore. In the corned of the spider courtyard was a tower that seemed to hold up surprisingly well. I tried to go in to see if there was anything inside that needed liberating, but the door was magically locked. I knew it was magically locked when I couldn’t pick it because there isn’t a door that I can’t get past, especially if there might be treasure or females on the other side.

Since the door barred our path, we decided to head down, down, down stairs. I knew this was a bad idea when I noticed the light was slowing getting darker beyond our light source. My suspicions proved true when we came upon a black suit of armor with a flaming hand (not flaming in the sense of some of Growl’s or Rannos powers, literally on fire!) He ran away and conjured a floating skull of some sort that spit a fireball at the rest of my road crew! Luckily I was far enough away to avoid the blast, making preparations and running over all the words to my songs before the show began. Though this guy seemed kind of creepy, it was no problem for the Legionnaires, and he quickly understood this himself, falling to our might. Pushing on, we came to a hallway with a door that had a terrible stench on the other side. All of us, thinking that there may be treasures beyond this door, shoved Growl in first. On the other side were some skeletons and some sort of giant trash compactor monster. I think Rendar called it an Oythog-hjadshjkasj or something, I wasn’t really paying attention to it’s name, just thinking of backing out of the room. I told Growl to GTFO so we could form up around the door and wack the skellys as they came out. This plan worked perfectly, especially when the skelly’s exploded on each other when they got really hurt or died, doing way more damage to each other and the Oythog-hjadshjkasj then to us. The Oythog-hjadshjkasj did manage to grab my leg and try to pull me into the stench filled chamber, but I pulled out my new Compulsion riff and it sent him flying back to the other side of the room, allowing myself to back up a bit to recover. I was shaken up a bit, the first time I knew my own blood this day! The Oythog-hjadshjkasj proved cannon fodder and I was ready to plod on. Rannos and Growl however, said they were “tired” and “needed to rest.” Pfft, I had only taken a single hit that day, how could they be in such bad shape! Whatever, I let them have their “rest” so that we could move on.

After the silly “rest” we came upon mad Victor Hawthorne the necromancers workshop. There were some potions and what not that we grabbed on the way out. We also took some of his books that explained how to graft undead parts to your body, the Dragon book that hot lady back in Bloodstone was looking for, and his journal. On the way out, I tripped and hit some kind of switch, awaking what I could only call a Frankenstein-like creation of a monster. His stupidity was his downfall though, and he saw the end of the Legionnaires swords as well.

Pushing on, we came across a magical portal, which I boldly went through first, solved this riddle in no time at all, and passed back through the portal. I waited around at the other end of the portal for a bit to see if my companions were coming or not, luckily they eventually came out, Rendar taking the longest. Now this is were the day started to get a little weird. We were obviously in some sort of a wizards tower, adorned with awesomely powerful magic artifacts, but they were all magically nailed down! What a buzz kill. We did find some information about Zhengi’s return though, and a nifty scarlet box that was made to house our amulet of butt pain (as I like to call it anyway). Once in it’s box, the draining sensation that was in my chest suddenly stopped. We continued exploring the room and Rannos and I came across a brain in a jar, who called for some sort of an alarm. I tried to reason with the brain, tried to lie to him, tried all of my verbose and eloquent word powers, but the brain was obviously brain washed, or just washed since it was already a brain (HA!). The brains anger may have been spurred on when Rannos got a little ahead of himself and tried to knock it off the shelf it was on, but no one can really be too sure. Surprisingly, the brain started hovering and chasing us around! Then some tiny claw like crawling swarms sprang on us as from no where. To top it all off, a book shelf came to life and tried to beat me to death! I handled the situation awesomely though, both fending off the brains mental powers and compelling the bookshelf away from myself so I could deal with the brain who insulted us all. My companions were dealing with the swarms nicely, so I squared off against the brain. I had him on his last lobe (HAHA!) when I willingly allowed him to think that he dominated my mind, to see if I could gain any information from him and to lull it into a false sense of security. I was able to understand what he wanted from me and ran over the Rannos and wacked him a few times. I kept this up for a while, until the rest of the group caused some brain death, ending my charade. The bookshelf was next, and we quickly closed that chapter.

Seeing that the magnificent room could really offer us no aid, we decided to step out the other set of double doors, which had the rushing sound of wind. Once outside, we came to the conclusion we were in some other dimension, likely that Moutherealm we read about. We looked around, saw the thousands of shadowy minions miles below us, and quickly ran out of the ruins and off to the mines. We’ll deal with the army another day…

Money Don't Grow on Trees

After we (re)killed the big bad undead monster running amok in the graveyard and saved the Grave digger from a bloody, gruesome, and all around unwholesome fate, we beat a hasty retreat from the grave yard into the Mausoleum (not out of fear mind, The legionnaires simply realized that we needed to go after this vile evil at it’s root! in fact, it was less of a retreat and an advance to the rear!) once we got down into the sub levels of the crypt we encountered a reanimated Lieutenant of Zhengyi who was in fact the source of the undead plaguing the fair (I use that to mean modest, not beautiful, this place is sort of a hellhole if we’re being completely honest) town of Blood… whatever. after a great and terrible battle, The Legionnaires won out, with Myself, Frrvvl Barthus slayer, having put the final nail in the undead abominations coffin. we found some treasure, but we also soon found something more important, answeres. we immediatly found Esmerelda and asked her what she had meant about this all being our fault, and she soon explained that our Zhengyi curse marks had called out to Barthus, who had in turn woken the dead in the cities graveyard. she then explained that this was the first time this had happenened in a long time, and that she feared it meant that Zhengyi was stirring. she also said something about the marks killing us and eating our souls or something, but whatever, that’s just part of being an adventurer. right? we soon set out to plunder another Zhengyi ruin (and something about a mine or something? i have no idea.) When Artemis Entreri met us and gave us an offer we couldn’t refuse. Cale wanted to ignore him, but thankfully the rest of the party realized that dealing with a turncoat for the Citadel of assassins would be in our best interest, but me and him agreed that talking to him instead of first resorting to murder would be a good idea. so we soon found out that spysong, the kings secret police, had convinced him to turn in exchange for the life of his wife, whom they had kidnapped. we worked witht he man and soon ended up brutally murdering the wild elf agent from spysong and faking our new friend’s death, who immeditalty fled the land once we told him that his wife had died (a simple lie, to ease his conscience in the future.) once we reached the Ruins we immediatly encounteres some ghosts and oozes that we easily dispatched, but the marks on our bodies began to sap our strength, so after just barely survivng we decided to barricade ourselves with some spoiled ale and hope we felt better after a night’s sleep.

and also, did you hear that the Lord’s of Waterhaven are Necromancers? i heard that when they fought the legionnaires they had to resort to the use of undead minions because of the power and virtue of the Legionnaires was simply too much!

Ain't No Rest for the Wicked

So we finally dispatch the evil Flesh Carver that was besieging the good village of Bloodstone, only to be cursed by the artifact that the hobgoblin had got his hands on. It was some sort of fog controlling device. As far as I can tell, each of us have been tattooed with the mark of the Lich of old in different places, mine being on my right butt cheek. Luckily it didn’t happen to show it’s ugly print on any outwardly visable place on any of us. On the way back to Bloodstone, that Artemis guy that Fryvvl was talking about shows up and demands we hand over the artifact and the cask. I gladly gave him the cask, but told him that there would be no parting with anything else that we found in the cave. He didn’t like this response, but if I’m going to be carrying a mark from this damn thing, I want something to show for my mark! Fryvvl wasn’t too happy to upset Artemis, but the others seemed to be in agreement with me. He gave the impression that the goblin hide out was no problem for him, but I think he’s full of shit. If it was no problem, why did he need us to get it for him? Coward is my guess.

To add to all of the excitement, we get back to Bloodstone and Witherspoon, the owner of a local inn and tavern, approaches us about the wagon we sold to Leeroy Jenkins when we arrived in Bloodstone. It turns out that some of the goods on the wagon were to be delivered to him. Oops! I avoided a near disaster by putting on a kick ass show for the old man (thanks to the help of my new stage crew, manager, security, PR department, and roadies (you guys know who you are)). The trouble didn’t end there though. Those fancy pants Lords of Waterhaven decided to crash the show and cast some sort of spell on the crowd, causing the bitch of the groups terrible, out of tune playing to mesmorize them all. This proved nothing I couldn’t handle though, because I took to the stage (and the tavern) and showed her who was boss of the lute in this town. It didn’t matter though, because the leader of the group was so disgusted by his defeat that he started a bar room brawl. In all the huff puff, I was able to find out that they somehow had my precious Ophelia. They must have got it from Slavis some how. I’ll kill them if they damage her…

Just when we were about to drop their rogue and take my Ophelia back, the fancy pants took for the door when some undead decided they wanted a drink. We handlede the undead, but soon realized that the city was overrun. Ezmerelda came out and blamed us for this for some reason though. She told us we had to go to the graveyard and stop what we had started. Some nerve for a woman I’ve never met, even if she was smokin. We were able to get there by the sewers and bypassed all of the dangers of the sewers thanks to my quick thinking and Fryvvl’s quick ritual casting (thank you floating disk!). We popped up in the graveyard and are still fending off the undeaed beasts, trying to protect the undertaker but keep our own lives. It seems we may just have to leave him and bolt for the tome.

I almost forgot to mention that Flesh Carver was blabbering on about someone named Kelver or something like that. I can’t even remember what exaclty the name was that he was talking about, but I’m sure it’s important. My more observant companions were probably paying more attention to him while my eyes were on the loot. Well, I hope they were anyway…

On the Road to Bloodstone Village

The spring thaw has just begun and the roads have opened out of the Crossroads to Bloodstone Village. The first caravans are beginning to leave, loaded with goods for trade and travelers making their way to Upper Miramar. The occasional snow and bitter cold day can still be found, but each day in Upper Miramar slowly brings more warmth to the region melting the permafrost on the grounds and the ice over the lakes and rivers. The animals too have ended their hibernation and many monster are beginning to come down out of the mountains searching for food.

You all find yourselves on a three wagon caravan heading out of the Crossroads towards Bloodstone Village. It will take several days to reach Bloodstone Village over which you’ll slowly learn about your traveling companions and the other individuals you travel with. Unfortunately though, you’ll soon learn that the normally uneventful trip to Bloodstone Village is wrought with danger leading to events that will soon tie the fates of you together. . .


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